(With mad props to Laura Joffe Numeroff and Felicia Bond, author and illustrator, respectively, of the classic, If you Give a Mouse a Cookie.)
If you give a mom five minutes …
She’ll ask for a glass of wine
When she gets the wine,
She’ll want a coaster to put under it.
When she reaches for a coaster, she’ll find it covered up with last week’s newspapers.
So she’ll have to take them to the recycling bin.
On the way to the recycling bin,
She’ll see muddy shoes piled up right in front of the door.
So she’ll stop to put them back on the shoe rack, and sweep up the dirt.
Seeing the dirt will remind her of the load of laundry that needs to be washed
She’ll go downstairs to put the laundry on.
While she’s scrubbing grass stains out of a pair of jeans, she’ll remember
That she needs to pack up her daughter’s backpack for daycare tomorrow.
When she’s upstairs getting a change of clothes and set of sheets for the backpack,
She’ll change her daughter’s bed.
And then the bed in the spare room. And the one in her own room.
While she’s changing the beds, she’ll notice the lamps are a little dusty.
So she’ll start dusting.
Then she’ll smell something funny.
It’s the garbage.
So she’ll empty out the garbage from that room.
Then she’ll empty the garbage from EVERY room in the house.
When she’s done emptying the garbage, she’ll notice the time
She’ll start chopping up vegetables for dinner.
Chopping up vegetables will make her think of grocery shopping
So she’ll want to write out her grocery list.
With a pen.
While she’s writing out her grocery list
She’ll think of all the other stuff she has to do next week.
That will make her tired and thirsty.
So she’ll want a glass of wine.
And chances are,
If you give her a glass of wine,
She’ll want five minutes to go with it.
Happy Mother's Day to all the fabulous moms out there. May you get the spoiling you so fully deserve.