"How to Eat Like a Child" makes perfect sense now

Recently, while eating dinner, the Doodle made a very profound statement. I was encouraging her to try eating the watermelon on her plate instead of just mashing it with her spoon. She looked me square in the eye, and with perfect deadpan and calculated clarity, she said, “No, Mummy. Watermelon’s for cutting, it’s not for tasting.” Hubby and I just looked at each other like, well WE’VE certainly been told …

This girl knows what she likes, and knows what she wants. (I wonder where she gets that from?) She also comes up with some pretty extraordinary food pairings that are, in the same moment, both fascinating and utterly revolting. This is her best yet:

Yes, that would be bananas in chicken noodle soup. To each their own, I suppose ...

When I asked her about what she prefers to quaff with her daily repasts, the Doodle advised me that a tart yet fruity Red Juice (aka cranberry) pairs perfectly with peanut-butter toast dipped in yogourt, while an early vintage white (milk freshly opened that morning) goes best with spaghetti … or just off her fingers after sticking her hand in the cup.

If she had her way, her entire meal would consist of nothing but condiments. Cuz it’s all about the dippy. Pineapple in ketchup, waffles in ketchup, canned salmon in ketchup. Strawberries in ranch dressing. Clementines in hummus. Blueberries in mustard. Fruit cocktail in Cheez Whiz. Everything goes well with dippy.

And when the contents of her plate are neatly and carefully smushed together (as well as smeared over the back of her high chair and through her hair) she politely requests to see the dessert menu: “I want a treeeeeeeeeeeeat. Please.”